Holding on too hard?

Lets see I am coming back out of retirement from blogging! (Yeah right), And I haven't blog for so long because I don't know. Lets just have a recap of what I did today and then I'll go talk about something more deep.

I went out to eat in the morning with my cousin and brother after that I went to George house to help him move some stuff to downstairs. I fell while bringing down a chair because his stairs is slippery. At least its not a major fall haha. After that I went to eat with him at Banana Island and had a guava juice though it doesn't taste like guava at all. Then I went home and sleep for 2 hours? and went back out with Hiu Ma and Heidi. =D. We went to Japantown and ate and after that we went to another dessert place and it was awesome! We talked and laugh for hours LOL. Mainly stupid shits.

Sometimes I am wondering if I am holding on too hard? Perhaps I am. But is letting go the only options to ease the tension? What is the point of any relationship if you are solely the only one who is trying? Doesn't relationship takes 2 people to try? So what the hell am I doing if I feel like I am the only one who is trying? I feel like you are not there sometimes. Maybe in your point of view you are trying but I don't feel it. Should I give up? If I can be this fuck up and selfish then I can sure as hell drop everything since the very beginning. As I stated earlier (way back in my old blogs) trust is the basic foundation of every relationship. So why are we still what we are if you lost trust in me and vice-versa? People are so hard to tell sometimes and they can't be considerate of how others feel or what they really want. They only think about themselves and if shit doesn't go their way, all hell will break loose. What kind of this fucking friendship is this? I can't stand how everything must go your and if it doesn't then it's the end of the world. DUN DUN DUN (whatever).

What do I really want from you? I just want us to be normal again. As we are talking again I feel like I am getting attached to you. I don't want the same shit to happen again. I don't want to be what it was on 06/03. I really do feel like giving up at times. After all this time I am not sure what I am to you. I wouldn't say you didn't try but I guess I tried more than you. And for sure as hell I don't want us to end up and become like someone (we both know). Sometimes you just have to understand where the frustration comes from especially when I take most of the initiative. I am not saying you didn't but yeah. What happen to being equal? I hate going back and forth. To be honest, I am not someone who you can just leave me there and pick me up again when you feel like it. Don't you think it's already too late to try now? This is not a game where you can reset if you made a mistake. This is a mistake that will stay with you no matter how hard you want to erase it. No matter what happens though I will still be here for you, and for sure, you know I've been there for you in the past, still will, and will be this way. Perhaps I am holding on too hard and you are holding on too soft. That is where we lose our balance.

I think I am going to give up on my friend and just let him go what way he does. I am not going to be selfish and be like you can't go out with such and such cuz it is really none of my business. Though I will stay there for him and listen to what he have to say whenever he needs me. And I will try my best to guide that stupid brainless friend of mine to the right path. Whether he takes it or not I hope he can choose the right one.

If there is one thing you can choose to happen in the future, what would it be?